But... why would someone be HURT in that situation? I don't understand why someone would feel bad about it. What if they told you their hair was a different colour? Their secuality was different? Their gender was different? They were a different race? They had a different job?

Expecting someone to be like their character, or even like their online personality, is IMHO ridiculous. I act as myself because it's just a lot easier for me. But I don't get offended if someone tells me they are in fact completely different than I was led to believe.

I'm just glad they chose to trust me enough to share that with me. But I still wouldn't be surprised to find that that, too, were a fabrication.

Would you expect a 12yo girl to tell you that she was one? What about where she lived? When her parents would be out? How much personal info do you WANT about someone?

It is always the other person's decision on how much they want to share.  If you, the player, get emotionally attached to a character, that is your downfall.  Because, like Farrier said, what they portray can be considerably different from what they are.  When I play a character, I play a character and that is all.  Sure, that character may have interests with another character.  But don't get all bent out of shape if something turns out how you didn't want it.  It's just so much easier to be yourself than create an alternate personality.

Now this sounds familiar. I currently find myself on the opposite side of a similar situation.  I'm a guy IRL but half of my characters in Furcadia are female, including the one I play most often.  For some reason I just feel more comfortable playing females.  Maybe it's just that layer of unreality insulating me from my character so I don't feel so much like it's me in the role.

Anyway, my main character, Washuu, is currently engaged to be married to a guy half my age.  Now we've already talked about the age difference and he's okay with it.  What we haven't talked about is the fact that I'm not really a female IRL.  I don't have any idea how he would take the news.  We've been yiffing for most of the time since we've been seeing each other and he's always eager to do it again, though I could take it or leave it myself.  He hasn't made any effort to find out more about me IRL, so maybe this will just stay and In Character relationhip.  Still, I can't help but be a bit nervous about the way things are heading.  I don't wanna hurt him if I can help it.  He's a very decent guy and a halfway decent RPer.  Does anyone have any advice on when or whether I should broach the subject of my true gender?

I think maybe you should break it off to him and not tell him your gender. SOmething like that might scar him for life lol

My friend was hurt becuase they had become fairly good friends irl as well. I mean it happens often when you RP - you find out the other person's aim SN or whatever and you chat there as well.

Also - he was hurt because he had been lied to. For the past four months the "girl" he was with had told him she was a she irl. And she led him on to believe that. When you have a relationship like that in an RP situation there is an extraordinary amount of trust that needs to be in place. Because well, you have and probably never will meet that person in real life. And if you can't handle trusting someone like that, or knowing that there is a lot hidden then you should not be having a relationship online. Which, is why he stoped furc.

Heh well anyways, its hurtful for many reasons. I can see  it being okay if it were strictly an IC thing - and they had not shared anything about their real lives to one another. But my friend had opened up to "her" plently as well... So the poor guy was pretty hurt - feeling betrayed and totaly used.

My usual home is Furrabian Nights by the fires. I have yet in my years there talked to a "lesbian" that wasn't a guy in real life....on the other maps, I'm not sure what goes on but in Furrabia if the descrip says lesbian or bi and yiffy its guaranteed 99.9% of the time its a male at keyboard..Please spare me all the arguments that they are not...I've seen at least 20 different "lesbians" that were guys trying to pick up a girl and the girls finding out over time that they are really chatting with a guy. Let's face it people most of the guys on this game are gay or bi, which is their choice and it's fine. Some of them are a little sneaky about what they portray on here. I've seen a few women play male alts but they are usually very up front about it and their entire conversations do not involve talking about sex. So ladies if you have a lesbian or bi female friend on here its more than likely a guy at the keyboard, and Guys...well if your new "lady" friend only ever wants to talk about sex and flaunt it promiscuosly chances are your friend is a guy too. Now here's the funny part ...watching the 2 lesbians hitting on each other knowing they are both guys in real life trying to get a girl, and they both find out that each other are male *Smashing chuckles* thats a good time lol

Yeah - I have to agree. I see that a lot as well.

heh.. heh.. Chances are a lot of the guys out there posign as a girl to pick up another girl, were really picking up other guys doing hte same thing. A vicious circle...

In RP situations, it wouldn't matter to me who was actually behind the character...who cares?

Aeronyth - well thats good that you think that, but there are some people out there who would not be able to handle that or do not seperate RP from RL as much as you do. Youre lucky, cuz something like that would probably bother me. But thats why I dont RP relationships that much ^.^

I don't care who's behind a character either.  RPwise, as long as they portray it well, that's great.  However, I do know several lesbian and bi people that play females on Furcadia and are female IRL as well.  So yes, there are the real ones as well.

http://www.rider.edu/users/suler/psycyber/genderswap.html

Interesting reading there.

Personally, I don't limit my opinions to RP.

I don't believe... no, that's wrong. I believe EVERYTHING that someone tells me about them, IRL. But I take it with a pinch of salt. And I don't act surprised when one or more of their RL aspects (sexuality, gender, race, religion, etc, etc) changes from one discussion to another.

I think it would be wrong of me to expect people to be themselves on the net. For some, that could even be actively dangerous.

On the other hand, the "me" that I project happens to be myself. That's just because I'm too lazy to bother building myself a separate and detailed online persona. I don't have the time for a vast project like that.

And also, just as I don't expect people to share their RL identities with me, I don't expect people to share my morality. I try to avoid offending/upsetting people, and telling the truth seems to be a good way to do that. But I don't expect other people to do the same.

Are we breeders really that bad?

I mean, I could understand if you were, like, a lesbian and didn't like males hitting on you non-stop, or something like that... but you made it sound like straight guys AND girls just plain creep you out.  That... doesn't quite make sense to me.  Could you try to explain it to me?    I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just curious and I'd like to learn more about where you're coming from with your comments about straight people/furres.

*chuckles* Mm... I see.
Let me first state that I use the term "heterophobic" for lack of a better word.
Secondly, let me say this: my character is gay. In real life, I'm a different gender, but I'm still queer. Got that? All right. Now...
I don't mind guys and girls being together. I don't mind seeing them together. But, anything other than a kiss on the cheek severely grosses me out. The thought of kissing someone of the opposite sex makes me want to vomit. It's just a personal thing. Kind of like... being grossed out by spiders, or not liking the taste of brussels sprouts. You know?
So, when I'm on Furc as my character (a gay guy) and girls hit on me, I get grossed out. In real life, when guys hit on me (I'm a girl IRL; just restating), I get grossed out. When I'm IC, I -become- that character; they are a seperate part of me. The real me recedes, giving way to whichever character I'm playing, while still keeping part of my original ness. So, no matter who or what I am, I'm still queer, and "heterophobic".

hmm. I have never heard of heterophobia. A guy and a girl is how it is supposed to be, so why would you find that so sickening? You wouldn't even be around if it weren't for your mom and dad...

Well, if you're gay and you've ever been in some of the worse places, it's really scary to know that if some of the heterosexuals there knew you were gay, they'd try to do some really bad stuff to you.  That same fear can bleed into other heterosexuals.  And some people just plain don't like being around people practicing sexual acts which aren't a part of their preferences, which would be why some heterosexuals don't like seeing gays and some gays don't like seeing heterosexuals.

thats not quite true.. yiffing has been a major thing going on in furc since ive been around and thats a darn long time..  But back then the yiffers had to hang out in private dreams. which were widely scattered and not in a central place like they are now.

Furcadia always has been a haven for deviants.

Also, it seems more and more of the main maps that are comming out are not equipped with a cuss forced in place..

It's all kinda strange really ... I mean feel free to play what kind of character you want. I play a male character, I'm male and straight. I just keep my avatar itself away from sexual Rp. I hang out in TSP yes, but hey I'm ooc there anyhow and the staff rawks, but yet they aren't involved in what goes on there.. I think it's just plain wrong to pixel F***- my term for yiff.. Stop buttering up the words by calling it yiff.. It doesn't matter what you are but it matters what you try to be. I don't discriminate to girls guys playing characters of the opposite sex ect ect. But when you play them for the soul purpose of RP involving seuxal preference I consider that a disgrace to RP all around. I am an 8 year vet of Rp's all over and in my opinion Furc has just gone downhill. When it started out as ZMud it was nothing but RP, when they first brought in the avatars and such it was kool but now it's just a place for cyber prostitutes to run around. And in a post I read earlier, yes the main FurN map is probably the only place for some decent mature Rp without all the ooc garbage. Imag just sucks nowdays but atleast it hasn't been sucked into the vortex like FurN has. New Haven will always be New Haven where the nutcases hand out...    Yea you know who you are and you know all you people who hang around the water hole are nuts.. Wouldn't have it any other way.    Also you know furc staff put that warning message when you pop up in FurN for a reason.. PARENTAL PERMISSION! I know a 9 year old girl who is a little F*** machine in TSP.. It's wrong.. Children that young just shouldn't be there. I'm 19 so It's up to me if I want to roam around there but 9... Either the parents need to check up on their kids more or the kids need to get smart and look after themselves a bit better. And I also think the furc staff could help prevent under agers from going to furn a bit more also. I know it would be a job but for the welfare of the kids. Wow who knew I could rant on that much. Well I'm finished with my everlasting blabbering... If you have taken time to read my garbage you win a free cookie.. "Make it yourself you lazy slob"      Hehee anyway this though has been brought to you by the letter A, the number twee... and smelly gym socks from under your bed.

Dragon's Eye Productions could require a social security number or a credit card number verification to get into FurN. I've seen lots of other companies on the net do it. The little warning message they have their now is just for show, of course nobody has ever paid attention to it.

Genderbending... well it's a double edged sword. It gives people the chance to be whatever and whoever they want. I don't think that's been stressed enough just yet. The freedom there is very important. And having an open mind about it is even moreso. People who automatically think it's sick or feel betrayed should really think about why they're running around in a make believe world in the first place.

If you just walk in, looking for someone to hook up with and yiff, then you get what you get at face value. The person behind the character obviously doesn't matter much since you're just getting your rocks off anyway. Guy, gal, who cares so long as it goes well and you have fun right? If you're worried, ask before you get involved. Whether they're being honest or not, who knows? That's the risk you take going around like that in the first place.

My biggest piece of advice to the phobics, don't do relationships unless you actually KNOW the person. Simple as that. I have an rp wife who is my rl gal. There's no one else out there, even in other characters, I would run out and yiff.

And no matter how many times I turn off the warnings, they don't stay off.  It's annoying.  -.-

The same thing happens to me. It's prolly just a glitch they will fix next update

I bet you do, Morpius.

Then again, maybe you don't, judging by what you've said in conversations we've had.

As for the almost-resentful part, I think that's accurate. Sounds like sour grapes to me.

For people that want to gender bend, they should justu se the unspecified gender, and then they can tell the person what gender they are in their desc....

Gender bendign can be ok, but they should not mislead people...

actually if we did do that. half the population of furcadia would be 12 yr old boys doing each other behinds while pretending to be lesbian girls  

....Alot of my Friends are Homosexual.......and i have no problem with it......

So saying that they are all/Half of them are 12 yer old childern is a bit absurb,ant it?

d*** 2x posting ><

Lol, sento I KNOW your friends aren't twelve year old girls. I'm one of the few girls that knows you, so I've been told, on the 'friend' level. ^^ And I'm bi-curious. So you are just SURROUNDED! mweheheheheheh.

Heh....Surounded ant a bad thing *huggs Tanika* not a bad thing at all but i was just trying to get my point across that there may very well be more bisexual ppl out there than most care to know. now excuse meh while a mawul Tanika with affection

~and begins to do so~

DARN 2x posting...well I cant  waste this post.....

*huggels tanika?* lol

This might seem a bit odd, though it's something friends of mine (female, and homosexual at that too) use against any other female who suggests that "lesbians are wrong":

Ask'm about fermale genital anatomy - if they can't answer any questions you hurl at them, then they either don't know much about their own bodies, or are ignorant males trying to get a quick yiff.

I have to admit though, when hanging out with my friends, it is fun watching them an absolute mockery out of ignorant males

Then they turn on me for fun, and make me blush, and then they do this evil, spine chilling cackling thing - B*stards!
Though i love'm still

Pardon moi! But I have studied anatomy. I have studied hormones, sex, bodies, reactions. Anything having to remotely relate to sex I know. I can name every part of the female and male anatomy. Granted I may not spell it right. I don't think I'll post the lists here though.....the admin might get mad if I start naming body parts that are 'private'. I am bi-curious and I KNOW my body very well. oo' either I'm BI or just really really hyper. ^^

Then you'd obviously be one of those folk who answers the questions, and isn't caught out as being either:

1.) Ill educated about their ow body (if they're female).
and
2.) Not an unknowing prepubescent little boy.

So, in short - You're safe